The summer festival season kicks off this weekend, leaving me wishing I could be in about ten places at once.

As a former New Orleanian (though no one who’s lived in New Orleans will allow for this former nonsense, despite where you currently reside), I love seeing proper Cajun/Creole celebrations in other cities. And that’s just what the devotees behind the Long Beach Bayou Festival are up to, running strong in their 21st year. Expect mounds of crawfish, great zydeco/blues/jazz and lots of parading in what’s become a grand tradition of New Orleans meets SoCal.

On the softer side, but no less a marvel of the senses, Newport welcomes flower-heads from around the world for their annual Flower Show. Held at the Rosecliff, a majestic sea-front mansion from the Gilded Age, the Newport show is the biggest summer flower show in New England, at least two-hundred times larger than the Northern Maine Potato Blossom Festival.

Is it Friday yet? Can I get a beer? If I were in Colorado, I’d be swimming in it. Lagers. Stouts. Ales. Porters. Mmmmmm. A mere 30,000 thirsty travellers will be descending on Fort Collins, Colorado (rocking town, by the way) for this weekends Brewers’ Festival...And I’ll be…I’ll be in Maryland toasting the sky in tribute.

Who needs birra when there’s vinooooooo? Plenty of both will be spilled at the Calcio Fiorentino Revival, a costumed, medieval football match in Florence. It is possibly the most violent human celebration I’ve ever witnessed, more Fight Club than Premier League. Ahh, those crazy Italians.