Did you miss Part 1?

As we trekked further into the woods, which wasn’t very far considering we were all wearing flip-flops and moving at a snail’s pace, there was talk that maybe we should go back. However, the prevailing majority concluded that by virtue of its beauty, Hawaii can’t be that dangerous. It won’t surprise anyone to learn that none of us were seasoned outdoorsmen.

Finally, after 45 minutes of sidling barefoot over slippery rocks, we made it to our destination: a clearing in the brush that revealed a thundering, seven-story high waterfall emptying into a shallow pool. Without thinking (i.e. removing my cell phone from my pocket) I waded in. It was triumphant. Normally on vacations the only waterfalls I see at 7:00 in the morning are in my dreams. Now I was ruining my new cell phone in a real one. It was refreshing.

Our next stop along the rocky road was to a narrow cliff overlooking the infamous “Jaws” beach, named so for size and deadly ferocity of its waves. The infamous 70-foot monster waves for which is it known only come along every so often, but looking down at the white water spraying off the “small” 15 foot waves was enough to make me laugh at all the times I’d screamed “THAT WAS AWESOME” when boogie boarding a five-foot wave to shore during my youth (two days ago).

Next we took a turn off down an even more narrow dirt road leading to a small park on the coast. We walked out onto a series of enormous rocks as waves crashed around us sending spray over our heads.
Being so engulfed, one gets the feeling that one is small and fragile and wet. So we left, and on our way back we stopped at a roadside shack selling fruit shakes made from local produce such as papaya and pineapple. As far as we could tell, it was the only structure for miles. Yet here they were selling fresh, delicious insanely cheap fruit drinks. It was the type of stand that New York Magazine would blog about, but instead it existed in this place where Capitalism didn’t seem to exist.

Finally, almost four hours later, we made it to the town of Hana. We couldn’t have been more excited to be out of the car and at our long-sought after destination. But as soon as we parked the car, we came to a horrifying collective realization – it sucked. It was just like every other small town in America, with one school and a post office. The beach was calm and quiet and the roads were nearly empty. It was as peaceful as promised, but it was also something unexpected. Boring. Utterly boring. We visited a snack shack on the water, bought some drinks, and promptly got back in the car.

The funny part was, as we sat there in the car, lamenting our destination, we also found an excitement for our trip home. You see, the road running along the Southern coast is considered almost impassable for vehicles other than SUVs. Some rental car companies will prohibit you driving your car on that road. We checked out rental agreement. Ours didn’t. We looked at each other and all agreed – if we couldn’t enjoy the destination, we’d sure as hell enjoy the journey.

by Dan Murphy of [redacted] fame